Tales of the Strange
by Xavi Nova
Summary: When you thought it was okay to read a rated R story
1.

"Mario, you got a letter!" yell Luigi, as he walked through their front door. "I'll read it to you!."  
  
"Gees, I'm only five feet away, and still has to yell?" said Mario, sitting in a chair near the door. Luigi begins to read the letter.  
  
"Dear Mario,  
  
I am throwing a huge party at my castle tonight. Everyone, except Luigi, will be there, so I ask of you to come to my party. I hope to see you there, and please bring as many chips, dips, and hookers as you like.  
  
Your arch-nemesis and best friend,  
  
King Koopa.......Bowser?"  
  
Luigi looks at Mario in surprise.  
  
"Bowser invited you to a party! Why in the world would he do that?"  
  
"Bowser and I are best bros., now."  
  
"I thought I was your best bro.?"  
  
"No, Luigi, you're my best, um, well, never mind. I made Bowser a deal."  
  
"What could you possibly do to make Bowser your best friend. Have Peach mate with him?"  
  
"Close, I have her rape him once a week." Luigi looks at Mario in disgust and surprise.  
  
"Why couldn't I do that?"  
  
"Luigi, because you're a ten coin (fill in the blank)."  
  
"What! What! What! How dare you insult me like that!" Luigi, from somewhere behind him (three guesses), pulls out a beam sword. With it, he cuts Mario's arm off.  
  
"Argh!" cried Mario, grabbing the burned stump.  
  
"Oops, I missed."  
  
"What were you aiming for?"  
  
"Don't worry, I'll put it back on." He grabbed Mario's severed arm and super glues it back on the stump.   
  
About an hour later, after the glue hardens, the doorbell rings.  
  
"I'll get it, you might cut some one's arm off again," said Mario, looking at Luigi in disgust, who was doing something personal with the sword. Mario answered the door. At first he doesn't see anything. He then looks to the side of his door and sees a Caterpie pressing the doorbell.  
  
"Get off." Mario swapped the Caterpie off the door and onto his lawn. He ran inside, grabbed his shotgun, looked at Luigi in disgust, again, and ran back outside to shoot the worm.  
  
Caterpie, Caterpie," chanted the worm, looking at Mario. Mario points the double barrel shotgun at Caterpie.  
  
"Go, pokéball!" cried a voice from no where. A small, red and white ball hits Caterpie on the head, sucking him up in a red light. The ball falls to the ground and wiggles once...twice...thrice, and stops.  
  
"Yes! I caught Caterpie!" yells Ash, walking out from behind some bushes.  
  
"What the h*ll are you doing in my yard, throwing balls around? You can put an eye out with those things!" yells Mario, pointing the gun at Ash.  
  
"I'm just catching pokémon."  
  
"Well, go poke-your-mom somewhere else," says Luigi, walking out from his personally business to see what was keeping Mario.  
  
"Where's my mom?" Ash starts to look around.  
  
"I'm going to give you to the count of three to get of my property. 1..."  
  
"What going to happen?" asked Ash.  
  
"I'm going to shoot you, 2..."  
  
"Or what?" asked Ash, calling forth Caterpie."  
  
"3...fire!" he aims down at Caterpie, shooting at the worm. The shot eradicates him, sending blood and guts everywhere. A drop lands on Luigi, who starts to run around like a fag. Ash and Mario look at him.  
  
"What a faggot," said Ash, looking at Luigi fall down on his *ss.  
  
"You're telling me. I have to sleep in the same room as him. You want to know what he does at night?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Well, when we get ready for bed, he tries to give me a sexual message. It's f*ucking scary, I tell you. I've told him to quit, but all he does is start rubbing my *ss. I want to shoot his hands off." Upon that thought, Mario points the gun at Luigi's hands., shooing at them. Luigi jumps out of the way, but only to hear Ash.  
  
"Shoot a thunder bolt at his Richard cranium, Pikachu!" Pikachu jumps towards Luigi, but misses his attack.  
  
"Pika?" he asked, looking at Ash. Mario begins to snicker.  
  
"What?" asks Ash, looking at Luigi. Mario walks over to his brother and pulls his overalls and boxers down. Mario points at Luigi's crouch.  
  
"He doesn't have one, but he does have a decent sized vagina." Luigi is too flattered to be embarrassed.   
  
"Then, Pikachu, do the sheman!"  
  
"Pika pi." Pikachu pats his chest  
  
"Translation?" asked Mario, looking at the Pikachu get excited.  
  
"He says she doesn't have, you know." Ash pats his chest. Mario realizes what he means.  
  
"Oh, you mean boobs." "Not so loud, Misty might hear."  
  
"Misty who? Is she hot?"  
  
"Well, yeah, but..."  
  
"Did some one call me?" asked Misty, walking out from behind the bushes. Mario sees her and becomes excited. He strips himself and runs over to her. He begins to find a way through her clothes.  
  
"Get off, you pervert. I'm taken."  
  
"By who?" asks Ash, starting to be excited. Pikachu and Luigi are off somewhere.   
  
"Brock," she says, muttering something else.  
  
"Oh," said Ash and Mario, losing their excitement.   
  
"Man, they're smooth," mutters Mario. Before Mario can put on his clothes, a Pichu walks over to him and looks at him.  
  
"Hey, a Pichu, I'm going catch it!" said Ash, throwing a masterball at the Pichu. Pichu just knocks it away, right into Mario's private area.   
  
"Oomph!" he cried, falling over.  
  
"That was a Masterball! Pikachu come get him."  
  
"Pika!"  
  
"I don't care if you're not done, get over here." Pikachu walks away from Luigi, never hitting his mark on her/him. Pikachu sees Pichu and prepares to fight. Pichu charges up a headbutt, knocking Pikachu's head off. Pichu seems unfazed by the attack. Pikachu's spilled blood covered the ground. His excitement still out. Luigi is hit by some of the blood and begins to run around like a fag, again.  
  
"Pi...pika...PIKACHU!" cried Ash.  
  
"I'm confused," said Misty, suddenly seeing the Pichu grow 10000 times its size. Duzz walks out from the bushes, dragging what looks like the remains of Brock.  
  
"Brock!" cried Misty.   
  
"Yes," muttered Ash. Mario would have, if his private area wasn't preoccupied. Luigi sees the Pichu, reaches behind himself (three gueses, again), and pulls out a beamsword. He jumps up to Pichu and tries to slice his arm off. Duzz smirks at him as Pichu turns her/him into a hole in the ground. Mario slowly gets up, seeing his brother had just been killed, and runs into the forest.   
  
"You killed Pikachu!" cried Ash, kicking Pichu, who falls over. Misty throws a pokéball at him, catching the giant pokémon  
  
"How, how, how did you do that?"  
  
"Just needed a woman's touch."  
  
"Well, let's celebrate with a night alone in our tents."  
  
"Sure, we can look at all our pokémon."  
  
"Maybe have a little fun with them and eachother."  
  
"Hey, that would be fun. We're off alone, I can be a whore if I want to be."  
  
"You haven't seen the last of me!" cries Duzz, leaving through a portal. Ash and Msity, not caring, walk off to have some fun.  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Mario sits down on the hard forest floor. He was naked and tired, wondering why he was so stupid to run into the forest. He heard something and turned towards it. Nothing.  
  
"Poor, poor Luigi. Dead as a doorknob. I remember the time you actually had me. Stupid Peach costume." He felt himself get excited, but it went away.   
  
Mario got up, but he walked into something. It was...silky. He suddenly saw hundreds of Caterpies swarm over him, doing things to him. Some started to enter him through his *ss. He tried to scream but Caterpies swarmed his mouth. He saw nothing but green and black after that.  
  
-------------------------  
  
Ash had his arm over Misty's exposed breasts.  
  
"That was great," he said, going to sleep on her.  
  
"Yeah, thanks to you and Squitle, Bulbasaur, and Charizard. No thanks to Psyduck, but he did get himself some from your *ss." Psyduck heard this and got excited. He walked up to Misty expectantedly. Misty was about to comply when Psyduck fell down in two pieces. She saw two sword beams in the tent they were in. She screamed, waking Ash. The sword beams cut off their hands.  
  
"What, what, what?" Then, one shot up through Misty's private. The other shot up Ash's *ss. then, an Electrode pops up and explodes. The power of the explosion sends them to Torpor with their other friends.  
  
I look at this and wonder, why did I let Duzz into this fanfic? He totally screwed it up and made it gayish. Oh, well, third times a charm. 


	2. Before the story

These are the strange tales no one thought to tell you. They twist reality, time, and all thought process. these things could never happen, so that is why I'm posting this and many stories to come on this web site.  
Everything here is based on characters owned by Nintendo, Hal Laboratory, Tolkien, and Akira Toriyama. 


	3. Ganondorf's Tower

Link enters Ganondorf's Chamber.  
"These toys are too much for you. I demand that your give it to me!" yells Ganondorf.  
"Sure here you go." Answers Link as he cuts off his hand that has the Triforce of Courage implanted in it.  
"Huh? You're giving it to me? I thought I would have to fight you for it."  
"Nah. I don't care for it. Here you go." Link tosses his hand to Ganondorf.  
"Um. Aren't you going to try to save Zelda?"  
"Nope. I could care less for the dumb broad."  
Zelda becomes infuriated at Link's remark and breaks out of her crystal cage in one hit. Everyone's attention turns to her as she charges at Link cussing.  
Link jumps out of the way just as Zelda runs by him and into the wall, knocking her to the ground.  
"Ouch! Da*n wall."  
"What is wrong with that girl? It's not like it isn't true that she is a dumb broad." Says Ganondorf.  
  
Suddenly a warp tunnel appeared in the middle of the group. Mario and Luigi jumped out of the tunnel.  
"Heya, Mario are we here?"  
"I dunno Luigi, but this don't look like Peach's Castle."  
"HEY! What are you little midgets doing in MY castle?" yells Ganondorf.  
"Midget ay? Luigi, lets teach this Richard Cranium a lesson."  
"Ayay Mario."  
  
Mario and Luigi go to throw a punch at Ganondorf just to realize they don't have any hands anymore. Blood slowly drips from Link's blade.  
"Oops. I missed." Laughed Link.  
"AHHHHH!!! My hands! There. There gone!" cries Mario.  
"What were you aiming for?" asks Ganondorf, curiously.  
"I was aiming for their Richard Craniums."  
"Ouch," mutteres Ganondorf, holding himself from the thought of the pain.  
Suddenly a portal appears and Gandalf steps through.  
"Hey…whose the old geezer?" asks Link.  
"Geezer… ay? I am the great Gandalf. And where may I fray tell am I?"  
  
Zelda sneaks up and stabs him in the back with a knife.  
"Oh. I've cut you. What a shame." Says Zelda.  
"Well Mr. Gandalf. It looks like you are "may I fray tell" at your tomb. Hahaha" laughs Link.  
  
Gandalf casts thunderstrike at Link and Zelda, just to realize he was indoors.  
"Oh, D*mn! I'm a dead man now aren't I?" asks Gandalf.  
"No. You're a massacred man now." Says Link, just as the south wall of the chamber collapses, and Goku flies through.  
"What the h*ll! This is turning into a weirdo convention." Says Ganondorf.   
"Get back here Kakorot! I'm not done with you." Screams Vegeta as he flies through the hole in the wall.  
"Man I wish you would just leave me the heck alone. Gosh, darn it!" says Goku.  
"Sorry Goku. But the writer is making me do it."  
"Well lets get the writer."  
"Hold on there! Who are ya'll talking about?" asks Link.  
"Oh shut up and die" says Vegeta, as he blasts away the area and everyone with it except Vegeta with his Gallet Gun.   
  
"Now its your turn Author!"   
  
Suddenly a pencil eraser appears and erases both Vegeta's and Goku's hands.  
"Ahhh my hands there gone!" yells Goku.  
"D*mn you writer!" yells Vegeta.  
  
The eraser flips over to a pencil and draws rabbit ears on Goku, and a wedding gown on Vegeta.  
"Hahahaha! Vegeta is about to marry Rabbit-Man." Says the author.   
  
Vegeta erupts in a violent rage and dies a horrible death, because of the brightly colored gown.. Goku begins to cry about having long ears.  
"Waahhh. I don't like having long ears."   
  
The pencil eraser erases the rabbit ears along with Goku's original ears.  
"Huh? Why can I hear anything? Is it the end of the world?"   
  
The pencil draws an exact copy of Chichi.   
"Goku you come home right now." Says Chichi.  
"What? I can't hear you… Huh?"  
  
Chichi slaps him so hard that his head rattled.  
"How dare you act like you can't hear me!"  
  
The eraser erases Chichi's mouth, her complete midsection, and Goku's midsection. The pencil end begins to draw the parts back on the wrong bodies. Then generously draws Chichi's mouth back.  
"Oh my word! What have you done to me. Where are my name?" cries Chichi.   
  
Fox McCloud flies in on his Ar-wing.  
"Wow. A Guy with women's things." Laughs Fox.  
"Shut up!" yells Chichi as she pulls out a immense rocket launcher and fires.  
"Wow. I hope you know that will kill all of…" says Fox as everyone is completely annihilated and the whole world is completely destroyed by Chichi and her stupidity. 


	4. Come Back

Part 2  
  
"D*mn it. They blew up my world. I oughta banish their souls to Jurassic Park. Well I guess I will remake the world." Said the author.  
  
"Let there be light."  
  
"Let there be grass"  
  
"Let there be air"  
  
"Let there be animals."  
  
"Let there be trees."  
  
"What else did I forget. Oh yes."  
  
"Let there be dumb a*s to destroy it again."  
  
Instantly everything that was destroyed was recreated, in seven seconds.  
  
"Now before you guys blow it up, AGAIN. I send you back to your own worlds."  
  
Poof.  
  
Everyone was teleported back to there world.  
  
"Now where were we Ganondorf?" asks Link.  
  
"I can't remember. All I can recall is the weirdo convention that took place in my room."  
  
Suddenly Marth and Roy appear through a portal.  
  
"Oh no! Not again d*mn it!" yelled Zelda.  
  
"Not another weirdo convention!" yelled Ganondorf.  
  
Marth and Roy look at each other and then at the others.  
  
"Um Marth. I don't think where in Kansas anymore." Said Roy.  
  
A round ball flies through a window and pops open. Out came Pikachu.  
  
"AHHHHHHH It's another one. WAAHHHH. Make it STOP!" yelled Ganondorf.  
  
"Um Ganondorf. You're crying." Said Link.  
  
"I KNOW THAT!" yelled Ganondorf.  
  
"Um we are just here to be refs for you fight." Said Roy.  
  
"Well ok then." Said Link.  
  
Ganondorf and Link begin to fight. Ganondorf, knees Link in the groan. Link falls.  
  
"I'll get you for that!" yelled Link as he jumped up and cut Ganondorf's groan off.  
  
"AHHHHHH! I've been calmed down for life! WAAAHHHHHH!" cried Ganondorf.  
  
"And the winner is." said Roy.  
  
Marth quickly charges at Link and stabs him through the heart with his sword. His heart came out through his back.  
  
Marth slowly pulls his sword out of Link. Link fell to the ground in a pool of his own blood.  
  
"Marth! Our winner is Marth." Said Roy.  
  
"What! That's not fair!" yelled Zelda.  
  
Marth quickly spun around and decapitated Zelda.  
  
"B*tch should oh kept her mouth shut." Said Marth.  
  
"I challenge you Marth. For your title." Said Roy.  
  
"Title? What title?"  
  
"Um." Roy paused deep in thought. "Um.Unsuspecting Killer."  
  
"Ok, but you do know I'm faster than you."  
  
"So!" Roy swung his sword at Marth.  
  
Marth parries his attack and swings back slicing Roy's sword hand off.  
  
"AHHHH! My hand."  
  
Roy falls to the ground in tremendous pain and agony. Marth turns towards the Pikachu.  
  
"Pika Pika Chuuuu."  
  
Marth eyes him.  
  
"Pika Pika."  
  
"PENGUIN!" Yelled Marth.  
  
"Pika?"  
  
Ash jumps through the window.  
  
"Pikachu attack with thunderbolt!" yelled Ash.  
  
Pikachu begins to build up electricity.  
  
Marth scratches his head. "Huh?"  
  
Pikachu lets loose his thunderbolt, just to have it reflected back at Ash, as Marth reflects the blast off the flat of his sword.  
  
"OUCH! Pikachu! You a*sh*le! You missed!"  
  
Pikachu gets extremely pissed off and shocks Ash with thunder.  
  
Nothing happens.  
  
"Pika???"  
  
"HAAHAHAHAHA! Stupid Pikachu! You're indoors!" Laughs Ash.  
  
Ash runs up and kicks Pikachu towards Marth.  
  
"Batter up!" yells Marth as he swings his sword and cuts Pikachu in half.  
  
"Oh you people are worthless!" yells the author. "I leave you for a moment and you are already in the wrong worlds!"  
  
"Uh? Who said that?" asks Marth.  
  
"I did!" yells the author. "I shall send all of you to torpor!"  
  
The author sends everyone to torpor (period of inactivity).  
  
And everyone lives happily ever after.  
  
The End? 


End file.
